Sunday, May 1, 2016

January 2016 arrives and stages of emotions evolve

Sunday 3rd Jan - Sarah was about to embark on a challenge of her own, fitness challenge for 10 weeks. She came into the city to catch up for a vino over at darling harbour, I felt so happy being out of the house and with her, we got our ears pierced and felt like teenagers again, we shared a couple of bottles of wine, laughed and ate cheese. Perfect way to spend an afternoon.

My focus was food for a few days, what list will I write to get through before chemo affects my taste buds, anyone that knows me can appreciate why this is important. I created a food to eat before chemo list, it included ribs, pasta, Japanese, cheese and of course red wine ….  

Jamie Oliver’s Superfoods book is now my new bible, I don’t read the bible, so this will do! A major part of chemotherapy would looking after my body and food would be a large component of that!

The thought of not being able to eat certain foods didn’t upset me but the most upsetting thought definitely was losing hair and not being able to exercise the way I do now. Support from Sun my PT trainer since beginning of 2015, was going to be critical. All the advice given to me was around keep up exercise and do as much vigorous exercise as you can cope with. But listen to your body.

Escaping from reality!

We all need something to escape from in everyday life, this was pretty important for me now. I jumped on board of the latest craze and bought a colouring in book, this gave me a perfect escape, I didn’t think about anything during this colouring time. I picked up all of my self-help books. I ordered a book called ‘A funny thing happened on the way to Chemotherapy”. An Australian comedian who wrote it after going through cancer twice in his life. I started reading this thinking I’d learn what to expect.

I knew I would need a lot more than this but had no idea what it would be yet. I knew work would help, I didn’t even consider quitting work but a lot of people do, I knew I could cope with anything thrown at me. So work would help me stay focussed on normality. Although I knew one thing - work is priority number 2! I am now priority number 1!

Depression and acceptance..

I felt sad that some people around me weren’t taking my news more seriously. I was being selfish but I felt if there was a time I could be selfish and acceptable it would be now. In early January I went into anger slash depression, I wasn’t quite sure which emotions, but I knew acceptance would be after my first chemo. And I laughed alcoholism would be shortly after if chemo allowed me. 

Gary’s parents flew home on Tuesday 5th Jan, I knew I would miss them but I needed my alone time with Gary especially while my boss was overseas and I still had an inbox full. But none of that stressed me, all I wanted was my first chemo to happen.

I knew it was ok to be depressed, but I don’t like that side of me so I mostly ignored those feelings.

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