2nd May – Home Day!

I knew there was something I loved about this ward, 2 rules the nurse said. 1. No flowers, 2. No children under 12. Um…I think these rules were written for me personally. People always send too many flowers, even though when I get them I love them, but logistically they are annoying sometimes plus they seem just something people react to much too quickly. Depends on my mood i guess. Tulips are different, there is always a time and a place for Tulips!

I’ve used every last gig of my phone plan streaming Housewives of Melbourne, so Telstra I’ll need some more pls! HCF paid for my tv, but I can’t say I watched much of it J Not a lot to choose from except the lego movie on repeat. ‘everything is awesome’ (thanks to Sez visiting) is all I can hear now.

I texted Gary early who is at the airport, so bummed I won’t see him when I get home until Thursday evening. Having a few days to himself at home I hope has been at least reprieve from a few things.

I was actually pretty excited about breakfast this morning, I think that’s why I was up and awake from 5:30am, ABC news on, coffee from the patient kitchen ready for Muesli AND Scrambled eggs. First time I ordered a hot breakfast. The things you get excited about right J I quickly got unexcited about the eggs when I got them.

I popped out of my door at the end of the corridor, there is a window overlooking St Leonards. The window is so warm, I leaned against it and drifted out of body for a moment. Quickly coming back as someone pushed their Nurse Call buzzer which rings out everywhere.

I headed up to cardio unit for an echocardiogram – the machine shut down from overheating towards the end, so he had to blow some dust of it and power it back up. Then nearly pulled my port out my chest taking the chest pads off. Painful moment avoided. They found some fluid on the lungs but the heart seems fine. Heart murmur still there, my littles spastic valve trying to beat away! So the registrar said they will prepare me going home if Dr Arthur is happy after an x-ray of my chest.

Ok, so I think I horrified my respiratory Dr, and the Haematology Registrar, both thinking I’m mad for wanting to run 7km in 2 weeks’ time. Although advising, your body will tell you, I’m Mez and my body only tells me ‘do more’, so I’m going to do something that makes me teary even typing it….I’m going to take the Dr’s horrified face, implant that into my memory combine it with the memory of this entire week just gone and that I have re-prioritised AND pull out of the SMH Half Marathon. I’ll be there as a support person of course and wave the #teammez flag as people run past. I hate doing this, it was something I really wanted to prove to myself that I could do during Chemotherapy, when a lot of people can’t do in normal healthy life. I’m very disappointed. In my body, in my mind and I hate that I got Cancer!

*Warning: Going into depression mode for a minute*

I need to find my purpose for this whole thing….that will put me back on track. I think I’ve exhausted google images “inspiration for people with cancer”. Now to eat the words I’ve posted on FB and Instagram!

I finally escaped this place at 6pm - after waiting 2 hours for my take home meds, unexpectedly eating dinner, and dying to get into the fresh air and cab home.

I now have 20 pills to take daily for antibiotics, steroids, another antibiotic, folate tablets for vitamin B, panadol. 

Thank you to Sez for being home for me tonight and looking after Stewie, i really don't feel well.